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Impishly Street - ByunByunHouse - 1 loli / 2 shota story

 
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Impishly Street - ByunByunHouse - 1 loli / 2 shota story
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kumesana
Bronze Angel
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Posts: 38

Post Impishly Street - ByunByunHouse - 1 loli / 2 shota story Quote
Hello everyone.

I'm not sure I am posting where I should. I come here seeking help, but "requests" seemed not the right place.
I am a fan of the illustrated short stories of ByunByunHouse : hxxp://www.kt.rim.or.jp/~mizumura/
And I decided to translate some of them. Here is attached the first one, Wanpaku Street, a story of a loli and two shota: hxxp://www.kt.rim.or.jp/~mizumura/bbh01/bbh02.html - bottom of the page.

Here it is (update): hxxp://www.mediafire.com/?xqa7oo0x8uw6c3a
do not hesitate to correct me on whatever seems wrong inside.
Because I have a few problems:
- I can't read Japanese. So it's entirely from dictionaries and what I can find online about idioms and sentence structures.
- I suck at writing English, that's not my native tongue.

Why did I do that then? From the beginning I thought of it the other way around. I was fed up the encoding wasn't auto-detected so I modified the pages to fix it. I was fed up with the layout so I changed it. I was tired of so many Japanese I can hardly decipher so I replaced it with what I thought it meant. First in my native tongue, then in English too.

And now I have come to that as attached, and I'm wondering if someone would help me get it right: correct my English, point out where I misunderstood Japanese, either or both.

Anyone interested?



Last edited by kumesana on Tue Oct 16, 2012 9:34 am; edited 1 time in total
Tue Oct 09, 2012 11:34 pm Profile PM
Foton
Ferret Angel, nano!
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Posts: 3231

Post Quote
Well, glancing at it, it's mostly correct, due to the dialogues being short, sweet, and only in hiragana. One thing that made me laugh is in the second page where you just translated "Bukkake!" twice (ノ∀`)

In the original Japanese, they both said "bukkakero!" Since "bukkake" is the verb for "to splash", I'd probably translate it as "splash it on her body!" or something. Yeah, more words, but it preserves the flavor.

Oh and one more thing, you can simply translate Wanpaku as "naughty", so there's that. Other than that, any small differences probably wouldn't matter since the pictures are hawt!

So nice work, especially for a non-native English speaker (neither am I for that matter, hah).


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Wed Oct 10, 2012 6:54 pm Profile PM AIM YIM MSN
kumesana
Bronze Angel
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Posts: 38

Post Quote
Thank you for your feedback. Guess I'll leave it mostly as-is then.

Foton:
One thing that made me laugh is in the second page where you just translated "Bukkake!" twice (ノ∀`)

In the original Japanese, they both said "bukkakero!" Since "bukkake" is the verb for "to splash", I'd probably translate it as "splash it on her body!" or something. Yeah, more words, but it preserves the flavor.

Oh my. Never occurred to me it might originally mean a translatable word. I changed this.

Foton:
Oh and one more thing, you can simply translate Wanpaku as "naughty", so there's that.

Ah, yes. However, that one is not from me. You can find this short story here and there on sharing sites, and there it is usually known as 'Impishly Street.' Not sure whether it really works well, but I decided to not go against a relatively already-established translation.

Tue Oct 16, 2012 9:25 am Profile PM
Foton
Ferret Angel, nano!
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Posts: 3231

Post Quote
Ah ok, point taken.


_________________
"Most mahou shoujo save the day with the power of love. Nanoha saves the day with superior firepower."



~Confirmed Nanoha ferret-boy, er, fanboy since 2006~
Sun Oct 21, 2012 9:21 am Profile PM AIM YIM MSN
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